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A manifesto on radical self-love


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by Estelle Gillingham in self-love

radical self loveSome people may think that self-love is all about using our conscious minds to repeat affirmations in order to improve our self esteem. Or that it’s about making ourselves do things that we know are good for us like taking exercise and eating lots of fruit and vegetables etc. Because this does not address the programming which is imprinted in our subconscious, these behaviours and good intentions rarely become successfully installed new habits. So what would a more radical form of self love look like instead? Here are my ideas and i would be delighted if you added your views on the matter to help make this manifesto really strong.

Radical self-love is about having the courage not to betray our real nature i.e. who we really are when we are connected to our higher selves and what we really believe in. It is about seeing our old, unconscious programming clearly, understanding why it has had a place in our lives and learning how to create new habits and beliefs that enable us to move forward and create better outcomes in our lives.

Radical self-love is about asking the forgiveness of our inner child for all the times we gave huge amounts of all our vital strength and resources to other people because we were seeking external validation and approval rather than investing our time, love and energy in ourselves so that we could be richer people who were better able to help both ourselves and others. Its about having the courage to face our inner child when we know we have settled for the breadcrumbs of love that other people were willing to give us.

Radical self-love is about nurturing and awakening love in ourselves FOR ourselves and transforming old wounds and low-vibrating emotions so that we can attract people into our lives who are also full of love. Its about reaching into the deepest parts of yourself to find the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual emptiness that has made you feel unsafe, unloved and vulnerable in your inner and outer worlds.

Radical self-love is about working with our inner child to create what they tell us they need energetically to make us fully awake in the present – and to activate all their magic and gifts.

This is my first draft and as i said above, i’d be delighted to hear what you think. I hope you’ve enjoyed the post. Thank you for visiting and please leave a comment below.

Very best wishes,

  1. jackie baylis says:

    Hello beautiful…I love the way you have opened this up for people to add to. So good to see your website. I have passed your details to a friend here in Wales as he may need your assistance.

    Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual emptiness hides your knowing. One knows what love is… how else would one know what emptiness feels like! I think that one important step to realise is when you find that deep spot within where love is kept and cherished, love from other people is not so vital.

    1. Estelle Gillingham says:

      Hi Jackie. Lovely to hear from you. That’s a very beautiful point. I agree. When you know how to nurture yourself, then love received from others becomes a treat on top of that love, rather than a necessity or something that we are always hungrily searching for.

  2. Mia Manners says:

    I used to be much about the external influences rather than my internal guidance. I have embarked on a massive self journey of reconnecting with my inner child and loving her. I left her in the attic in some old crate for many years, occasionally peaking in to say hello. Now I have set her free and I am beginning to toddle before I can walk and eventually fly. Self care/love is about honouring all parts of my psyche and feeling very honest, raw and emotionally aware of those feelings of grief, sorrow, sadness, pain, fear, and unknowingness. It literally is about putting down all the external props and paraphernalia that I wore and used for many years. I have always been connected to source, yet, my ego patterns designed and learnt from very early years to survive have been troublesome, neglectful and have led my into some amazingly difficult and hard times – however now I can see that that was all meant to be, even though, I have hurt myself terribly and repeated many old experiences that now, have had to come to a natural and organic ending. This past year, I have been into a world of psychedelia, mass intense falling in love with another, and finally a mass break down. Without any of that, I would be still in that psychotic place of cyclical and unhealthy world view, and I called it being in love. Yet I played with fire and was burnt and I believed it was all real, yet, this person I fell in love with, was in the end , the making of me. I now know, that without experiencing massive break downs, I would not be here today, reevaluating my whole world views, and how I now have the opportunity to really step into my unknown, with faith, commitment, no drugs, no booze, no stimulants per se, to really feel myself and how much I didn’t know about myself, which is an ongoing and most gratifying journey. I wouldn’t recommend everyone finding a henry, but I would say this, my wanting to love another, lead me to loving myself and remembering I am here to do many things, but first and foremost, I have taking the steps to transform and transmute my intracellular electrolytes, molecules, waves and rays, blood, ligament, fascia, trauma patterns, emotional highs and lows, yin and yang and become the Warrior, and not the Worrier i was once….And for this, i give my highest thanks to all my mirrors and my soulular guides and goddesses. Great blog Estelle….x

    1. Estelle Gillingham says:

      Hi Mia. Thank you so much for everything you shared in your comments. It is, as you say, about honouring all parts of ourselves and not fearing their pain. I totally understand everything you are saying about the painful shattering of world views followed by a remembering of how and why we should love ourselves. Everything in our unconscious, all the old cellular memories and all the old projections have to be upgraded and transformed now. Its an epic journey – and its a team effort. Sounds like you are playing your part brilliantly. And i am so glad that your inner child has been rescued from that old crate 🙂 Once we relieve our inner children of the burden of all the old pain, they are free to bring us the magic of who we really are. They hold the magical key, if only we can hold them while they are telling us what has been hurting them. Thanks once again Mia. Sending you love, Estelle x

  3. Georgia says:

    Estelle again you have blown me away with your words, rings true to the heart. As I am reading I can feel my whole being acknowledging the truth and honesty of “manifesto of radical self love”A lovely reminder to keep going on my truth love to you xx Georgia

    1. Estelle Gillingham says:

      Hi again Georgia. Thank you again for your lovely words and your support. Its a living document, so if there is something you would like to add from your amazing journey, then please let me know. Sending you love xx Estelle

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Free E-book: "Be Who You Came To Be"

How to Connect with Your Soul Wisdom and Find Your Purpose, Gifts and Power

a great read!
Join my list! and get more information on how you can connect with your true soul wisdom.